March 29th (my Birthday ) is a day that I have been celebrating for nearly 30 years. Okay, I’m so lying about how long but you get my point. It’s a time of year that I have always looked forward to. However, this past year that day was one of the scariest moments of my life. On March 29th, 2012, we found out that my husband, Anthony, was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Diagnosing it is not that simple though. The only real way to find out if it is indeed Cancer is to remove the affected testicle.
I’m sure it’s easy to imagine how hard that must have been on my husband to go through such a loss. The blow to the ego, the uncertainty of how this will affect having more children, what types of treatment will be necessary ….. these were all the many things my husband wrestled with on a daily basis. For me, it was a matter of how to stay strong and hopeful for my husband and for our children.
Mind you that our son, 4 months old at the time, had no clue what was going on but there was this decision to be made about whether or not to tell our girl, Allie. Ultimately we decided against telling her the severity or even using the word Cancer. Since testicular cancer has such a great cure rate, we didn’t see the point in causing her to fear for her father especially since Allie had lost an Aunt to Cancer and was very aware of how serious that disease can be.
As soon as we were told that he would be cured of this, I decided to put 100% faith in GOD and in the words of the doctor. Sure there was talk about how this could come back through the abdomen and how radiation would be our best approach to fight that possibility. For the both of us, we so no other option then to move forward and to look to the days when this would be behind us.
I never saw Anthony worry at all about any of it. He was more in disbelief that he had Cancer. He would say, “I can’t believe I have Cancer…..in my ball!” Okay folks, we had to have some fun with this and when Anthony announced to the Facebook community that he had testicular cancer and that all would be fine……the punch lines started to roll in. Names like “Uniballer” and One ball Wonder” were just a couple of the long list of hilarity that started to poor in. The laughter was so good for the soul but the prayers for Anthony were our saving grace. You see I think it was at that time that Anthony came to grips of what lied ahead for him and the situation became real. Manageable, but emotionally real.
I thought I was handling it pretty well until one day in the shower, I was overwhelmed with doom. Thoughts of my husband ill, dying, raising my child alone, losing custody of Allie……every possible fear piled one on top of the other until the weight was too much to bear and I crumbled. I was brought back to reality when through the baby monitor I could hear the sounds of my son waking from his nap. There is no faster way to bounce back from sadness then to look into the face of your sweet baby.
No matter what you are facing in your life, know that it can be beat if and only if you have faith. It’s impossible to think you will never fear, but never allow it to take center stage in your life. Never allow it to take control of your situations while you desperately try to work your way around it. CONFIDE. Talk to someone who has faced what you are up against because its nice to know that others have been where we are. For us, our faith in GOD was the light at the end of the tunnel and the journey was a bumpy road filled with numerous attempts by darker forces trying hard to turn us into a mess……We refused to surrender to anything but GOD and we put it all in his hands. Yesterday was 6 months since Anthony’s diagnosus and he is Cancer free. Praise GOD!