A little Piece of Sunshine

10 Things to say to your kids

September 27, 2012

Sometimes life gets so busy that we neglect to tell our children things they really need to hear. Yes, you know your kids are great, but do they know this? And, do they believe it? Part of our job as a parent is helping our kids develop a strong sense of self. We do this through our actions. But, we also do this through words. What children hear coming out of our mouths on a daily basis can have a profound effect on their self-esteem and what they believe about themselves.

My beautiful daughters – Lexi and Hannah

Here are 10 things that you should say to your children:

1. I love you

Do you tell them this every day? Yes, you show them through everything that you do for them. But, they actually need to hear it too. Parents tend to say this to their children when they are putting them to bed, when they are leaving to go somewhere, or when they are saying goodbye to them on the phone. Try to sneak it in other times throughout the day as well. When they wake up in the morning, say “Good morning! I love you so much!” My daughters often catch me looking at them, and they’ll say “what?!” I respond, “Nothing. I just love you!” I always get a big smile from them. I know they know that I love them. But, I tell them as often as I can, just to be sure.

2. Thank you

Our expectations of our children are high, which they should be. We expect them to do their homework, to keep their rooms clean, to be nice to their siblings, to do chores. How often do you thank them for everything that they do? Yes, we expect certain things to happen on a daily basis, but let your children know how much you appreciate them. A simple “thank you for being such a great big sister” will let them know that you notice their behavior and that you truly appreciate everything they do.

3. You are so beautiful!

I tell my daughters this a lot. I let them know that they are so beautiful, but that they shine on the inside as well. I tell my girls that the most beautiful people are the ones with a kind heart. I let them know that their empathy towards others and their willingness to help others makes them genuinely good people and so much more beautiful inside and out.

4. You are doing a great job!

Children need to know that you are proud of them. If you tend to let them know everything that they do wrong, they will soon believe that they can’t do anything right. Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” How accurate this is! When focus on your children’s strengths, talents, and abilities, it empowers them. It makes them believe in themselves. When they believe in themselves, they will excel and do great things. You’ll see!

5. I’m sorry

Sometimes we get a little overwhelmed with what comes our way. Occasionally we may take it out on our kids. Yes, sometime it seems as though they deserve it, but it’s okay to admit when you were wrong too. So, there may come a time where you lose it and scream at your kids. Maybe they did something to make you angry. But, once you’ve calmed down. Don’t be too proud to go to them and tell them you are sorry. After all, you are the adult here. Let them know that you are sorry that you got so upset. Then you can calmly explain the reasons behind your rant. This might lead to a good conversation about what they did and why you were so angry about it. Apologizing also shows them how to be the “bigger” person. It shows them that you are not perfect, and that you make mistakes sometimes too.

6. What’s wrong?

When it is obvious that something is troubling your child, find out what it is. Let them know that you are always there for them no matter what. But go a step farther. Sometimes they are too embarrassed or afraid to talk to you about what is going on. Just because they know that you are there for them doesn’t mean that they will volunteer any information to you. You have to ask. It’s so important to keep the lines of communication open. Start this at an early age. Since they will be used to talking about the small stuff, when it’s time for the big stuff, they will feel comfortable opening up to you.

7. I will never give up on you

There’s a song by Jason Mraz, called I Won’t Give Up, that I just love. I told my daughters that this song reminds me of them. I let them know that, no matter what happens throughout their lives, I will never give up on them. This becomes especially important as your kids enter their teen years. You might often feel like you can’t take any more and that you don’t know if you can deal with them any longer. During this period, they may seem like they want nothing to do with you and even start to push you away. Don’t give up on them. It is now that they need you more than ever. Be there for them. If they are heading in the wrong direction, steer them back where they need to be. They might rebel. They might seem like they don’t appreciate a thing that you are doing for them. But now is not the time to let go. They need you, whether they realize it or not. Don’t give up. Be there. Stay strong. Do everything possible to let them know that you will not give up on them. Ever.

8. I forgive you

Throughout their lives, your children will mess things up…a lot. Don’t ever hold a grudge against them when you are upset with them. If you are disappointed in your children, then you can bet that they are even more disappointed in themselves. Don’t hesitate to tell them that you forgive them. This can open up a dialogue about how everyone makes mistakes. Discuss what they can do better next time. Don’t let a bad decision on your child’s part be a defining moment for them. Let them believe in 2nd chances.

9. Let’s spend time together

Your kids need to spend time with you away from your iPhone, laptop, TV, or iPad. They need your undivided attention every day. Try to set aside time each day to spend with your children. This shows them that they are an important part of your day. As a graphic designer, I must spend a large amount of time at my computer. My daughters know what I do for a living. Since I work from home, I am often on my laptop working on a logo or website or some other project. But, it’s important that they see me shut down my computer during the day, so that we can spend time together. Yes, I can multi-task, but it takes on a whole different meaning for them when I unplug and just spend time with them. So give it a try. Set aside some time each day to unplug and rediscover your family time.

10. No!

Don’t be afraid to say no to your kids. There are going to be times where you must do what is in the best interest of your child. Don’t ever sacrifice your family values because your son or daughter will be upset if you don’t allow them to do something. If that means that they are the “only ones in the whole class” that won’t be at the party, then so be it. There are many decisions that will come their way that they are just not mature enough to handle on their own. By saying no, you actually take the pressure off of them, so that they don’t have to worry about making these tough choices. You are being a good parent by saying no when you know that saying yes could result in some unfavorable consequences.

Christy Burke

Christy is a freelance graphic designer, full-time mommy, positive thinker and part-time blogger.

Hurricane Hannah – is the world ready?

June 8, 2012

My four-year-old daughter, Hannah, graduated from preschool this week. It hit me at her commencement how symbolic it all was. Her commencement, her beginning, her start. She is truly just starting out in her young life. She has so much ahead of her, so much to look forward to. She has a clean slate. If I were to give a commencement address to my young daughter, this is how it would go:

Hannah, you have an unmatched zest for life. You wake up each day ready to take on the world. Don’t ever lose that. Keep looking at life as the huge adventure that it is. Seeing things through your eyes helps me to appreciate this beautiful world. You truly see all that is good in this world. Too young to be jaded by negative experiences, you see hope, possibility, and positivity in every situation. Don’t lose that. Don’t let others’ view of the world change your attitude or outlook. Hold on to that positivity. The world definitely needs it.

Hannah, you are so, so stubborn. As frustrating as it is for me right now, as your mother, don’t ever change. You don’t always follow the rules. You constantly question everything I tell you. You think that you can do anything you want, never wanting to accept no for an answer. You are such a strong little girl. You were a force to be reckon with since the day you were born. We even nicknamed you Hurricane Hannah. Yes, you drive me crazy, always wanting to do it your way. But, hold on to that. You are going to do amazing things with your life. The most successful people usually do things their way, not always following the rules. Be true to who you are. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain and fight for what you believe in, as you do now. Your stubbornness, your unwillingness to give up will help you to grow into a strong, confident young woman who won’t let anyone push her around.

You have an endless curiosity, always wanting to know why, why, why. You talk nonstop, trying to soak up every little piece of information that comes your way. It’s exhausting. But, keep doing that. Keep asking why. Keep learning. Keep dreaming. Keep trying to figure everything out. I know that you will never just accept the answers to your questions. I know that you must keep digging. You must keep searching for a deeper meaning. Hannah, I know that you are never satisfied with the answers we give you. You have a incredible thirst for knowledge that is nearly impossible to quench. Yet, keep asking questions. Keep wanting more. I hope that you will always ask questions and want to know more.

Hannah, you are so beautiful. Your eyes light up the room and you have an amazing smile. But your true beauty comes from within. You have a beautiful, sensitive soul. You love others with all of your heart. You are so sweet, so caring. Hold on to that too. Hold on to your belief that love can make the world go round. Hold on to your belief that you can love another with all of your heart, with all of your being.

So, Hannah, as you progress in life keep dreaming, keep pushing, keep wondering, keep being you. I really believe that you are going to change the world, somehow…some way. You are at a perfect age. You have so much to experience, so much to learn. But, I also know that you will teach others a thing or two about how to live, to dream, to love, to succeed. You have an unbelievable energy about you. You never stop, from the time you wake up in the morning until you literally crash into bed at night. You will push boundaries, push yourself, push others to achieve their personal best. You will amaze and be amazing. You will take this world by storm. I just hope it’s ready for you.

Christy Burke

Christy is a freelance graphic designer, full-time mommy, positive thinker and part-time blogger.

Consistency is everything!

May 21, 2012

It’s in my humble opinion that consistency in parenting is a serious MUST! All of us parents feel the need to let our guilt change the course from time to time but am I the only one that has ever been bit in the butt by that? I think not!

Case in point? I created the “Healthy snack” rule for after school homework time. We have been making huge changes in our household with our dietary habits. We are eating cleaner and more “real” foods. We can have all the enthusiasm we want but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be as welcomed by the children. My hope was that the Healthy snack rule would encourage fruit and veggie snack requests. One can hope.

Then one very busy hella week, I veered off the path of food righteousness and offered a cookie grab bag as the homework snack. How the heck did they even get in the house? They were left over and were never purged from the pantry. Allie was gracious enough to accept the gesture.

Let’s have a side bar here for one minute. I have been so focused on this house hunt that it has driven me to insanity. I’m walking around with constant butterflies. You remember the ones you used to get in the 7^th grade when that crush would walk by? Well, it’s with good reason…I found a house I love and I have been waiting for the good word. Okay, just a little insight to how I found myself in inconsistent territory.

This past week, Allie helped herself to a grab bag of cookies from the pantry. I looked at her and said, “Allie, that’s not a healthy snack now is it?” In her sweet voice Allie replied, “No but they weren’t healthy last week either.” Valid point? I believe so however, I needed to apologize for confusing the situation and explained that I will do better in the future to not allow our busy lives to distract our good intentions. I also reminded Allie how she could take the opportunity to be a good team player and should I ever fall off the nutrition wagon, all she has to do is ask for something healthy. She was delighted! (Actually, It was the complete opposite of that!)

Now some of you may be saying, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a little processed food full of ingredients that have very little actual food content.” To you folks I say, That I am trying to raise my children on whole foods that offer health benefits but that’s not the point. I want my children to understand that I mean what I say. If I am not consistent in my parenting efforts, they will come to expect the unexpected and that leaves very little room for certainty.

Food is one thing but lets say I tell my Children we do not swear and provide the reasons why we do not. Yet, My children consistently hear mom sounding like a fowl mouthed mama? My mixed messages will eventually leave my children to believe that everything is left up to interpretation. Children need structure and crave us to put that in place. We mustn’t allow our feelings of guilt or fear interfere with such a precious necessity.

Give your children the security they seek with consistent parenting. Never ignore that the effort you make today in their young lives is paving a path for the parents they will become in the future.

Dani Sharpy

Social Media fanatic, Suburban CEO and part-time blogger

My journey to motherhood

May 13, 2012

I’ll never forget the Day I stopped seeing my mother through Childs eyes and realized for the first time, that she had a life before me. The sad truth is that I was 25 before it occurred to me that she had this history that I heard plenty of times over the years but back then it all just seemed like stories.

My Mother was my first best friend. You know how most children only tell their parent what they want to hear, or the abbreviated versions? My mom was not so lucky. Apart from feeling the need to ALWAYS tell on myself, I also graced my mother with the details that most, including my mother would rather have gone without knowing.

I went on this way until I turned 18 and inherited the knowledge and wisdom that far surpassed my parents’ intelligence. Or at least I thought. The years to follow were the gray areas of me and moms relationship simply because, I now had priorities that didn’t include having my mother as my confidant. I was dating, living, parting and my mother was praying. Always praying for me.

My mother, Denise Garcia, is a Catholic and a God loving, God fearing woman. My mother “KNOWS” her children well. Knew when we were hiding stuff. Had and still has an amazing ability to “sense” something is out of alignment just from us saying, “Hi Mom.” Because of her uncanny abilities, my mother was solely responsible for the numerous wet dreams I had from 18 until about 21. Oh WAIT! Wet dreams in our house was my mother throwing holy water on us while we slept. Sorry for leaving that to linger.

Looking back at the greatest bits of advice she gave me over the years, “Pray about it” had to be the best. Mind you, I hated it at the time because it had no real meaning to me. I was looking for answers, now and “Pray about it” felt like a waiting game. I was not ready then but today, I use that bit of advice in every aspect of my life.

As I celebrate my very first Mother’s Day as a first time Mom, I have a few words I’d like to share with my mother for helping me reach the point I am today:

Mom,

When I look back on my youth, I remember a woman fighting hard for a quality family life for her children. I remember a woman of strength and determination to keep her family in one piece. You are a selfless woman who always put us first. When you so desperately could have afforded to buy yourself clothing, you were more concerned that we had what we needed to fit in. Not because we asked you to but because you never wanted us to feel left out. When I was going through my phobia at such a young age and would hitch a ride home after you just dropped me off at school, you would hold me and tell me it was all going to be alright. (Let’s forget me locking you out of the car in your nightgown cause that isn’t the affect I’m going for.)

When my heart was breaking over and over you always did your best to let me know that you were there for me no matter how much I would push you away. Every time I would audition for some big deal singing contest but not make it as far as we might have thought I should have, you always took the defeat harder than me simply because you always felt I was so deserving. There was no doubt in my mind that you thought I was talented. You supported me in my career efforts and gave me the swift kick in the ass when it was needed.

You raised me to be respectful and compassionate and to never allow someone to not cash my check because I am Mexican (excellent story for another day). The pride you placed on our heritage even if you always placed the 25% Sicilian over the 50% Mexican, has stayed with me until this very day. I still don’t want to play with kids if they aren’t Mexican! Oh Wait….that wasn’t me, that was Jess!

You taught me to love…..to be an amazing wife (Anthony thanks you for that.) What you did for me that means more than anything, Mom, is you raised me with a belief system. You gave me GOD and with that your prayers protected me in times when it was clear that the only reason I got through was because of GOD. The morals that you instilled, although I deviated from them from time to time…..I never did so without remorse. I thank you for being the best damn Mom and for molding me into the mother I am today.

Happy Mother’s Day, Denise Garcia. I Love you. I always have and I always will.

Dani Sharpy

Social Media fanatic, Suburban CEO and part-time blogger

A better parent through sisterhood

April 18, 2012

Some of the skills I learned to become a better parent, I learned from being a big sister. I am the oldest of 3 girls. I am 2 years older then my sister Jae and 16 years older then my sister Jessica. I’m sure your thinking that there must have been some divorce in the middle of that age gap however, Jessica was my parent’s blessed pregnancy at 40!

Looking back on me and Jae’s relationship as children, makes me both happy and sad. We fought a great deal growing up, and like most homes we had our share of disfunction to contend with. But when I think of the moments of childhood bliss, Jae is right there in the midst of every memory. We were extremely creative with our imagination time. We wrote songs and recorded them as early as 7 an 5 years old. Our forts were never castles for a princess but rather spaceships ready to explore new worlds. Our banana seat bike was our vehicle of freedom and we would ride it together, as fast as we could peddle and hit every possible bump just to scream and laugh our butts off.

I learned that those moments that I treasure so dearly, I must encourage in my children today. That I must seize the opportunities to let my children have the freedom to imagine and to expand their horizons through their dreams. I could dream with Jae and those are the memories of my childhood that I cherish.

The other dynamic that I take away from our childhood was how unfair I was to Jae. I gave her a lot of guff. It still amazes me to this day how she ever got around it enough to like me let alone look up to me. I will try my best to teach my children how sacred a brother/ sister bond is and how it is to be valued, earlier on in life, rather than later. Today, my sister Jae and I have an amazing relationship that I adore Thank GOD we grow up and and mature!

Jessica came along at an entirely different time in my life. I was 16, driving and had very little time for family. I was given a new set of freedoms and I was a very active 16 year old,…. too active to babysit. Over the earliest years of Jessica’s life I made her a ton of promises that I’d continually fall short on. Promises to go to the movies, or for some one on one time that I always had an excuse for not being able to at the last minute. At 20, I just didn’t get how valuable my time with her could be. It wasn’t until I had moved out of my parents home that I started to recognize how important my role was to Jessica’s life.

Around 23, things started to click that hadn’t before. It was a time in our life that Jessica needed me and luckily I was able to recognize it. It was at that point I decided that I wanted to be someone that she could learn from and could trust. I had too many memories her disappointed face when I would go back on my word and I never wanted to let her down again. I developed a ritual for her and I called “Sisters Only” nights.

We did this every other weekend if not every weekend for a long period of time. Sisters Only was an exclusive “Danielle and Jessica” night. It ensured Jessica that none of my friends or boyfriend at the time would be joining us. Just Jessica and I out on the town. Traditionally the evening would start by me picking her up and going out to dinner. We always followed it up with a movie. I liked it best when we would rent a movie because we would get back to my apartment, throw on our jammies, pop the popcorn and sprinkle in the M&M peanuts for me and a bag of Reece’s Pieces for Jess. Enjoying the movie from comfort of my sofa!

My relationship with Jessica during her younger years taught me valuable lessons that I carry with me now as a parent. One of the most important was to lead by example. How could I possibly expect Jessica to take me serious if I was not living the way I was trying to teach her? To this day, I continue to find that to be vital for our relationship not to mention with my children. Another lesson that I had to learn with no exceptions is to stand by my word. Never make a promise you can’t keep or they lose faith in you. The last thing in this world I ever want is for my kids to not believe me when I say I’m going do something. I had to learn that lesson the hard way with Jessica but I’m glad to say I was able to turn that around with her.

There is much to be learned from our relationships of the past and present that can help shape us into better parents. I thank my sisters for helping me become a better mommy and I love the Aunties that they turned out to be.

Dani Sharpy

Social Media fanatic, Suburban CEO and part-time blogger

Promote a team player mentality around the home!

April 11, 2012

Our Allie is a helper. The kind of kid who takes genuine pleasure out of aiding you in any task around the home. It never seems to matter what I am doing, Allie is right there asking if she can help. I must admit that I always acknowledged the offer with praise but there are times I would kindly reject her help for various reasons. I would say no if I was already in the middle of cooking or folding laundry or even scooping the cat poop from the litter box. I guess it was the mentality that I want it done a certain way, or the stovetop could be too dangerous or scooping poop is too dirty of a job for a 6 year old.

Not too long ago, I over heard a mother mention that you should always welcome your Childs offer to help when possible…. especially while their desire to help still exists. I chimed in and talked about Allies sweet offers to help at home. She mentioned that this is a good time to recognize our Childs need for responsibility. I started to realize that if I slowed down and thought things through, I could satisfy Allies need to participate and I could capitalize on the opportunity to make her a valued team player in this family . If Allie wants to cook, teach her. If she wants to fold, show her how. If Allie wants to scoop the poop, by all means…..LET HER!

I imagine there are mothers out there who would love to have their children take a genuine interest in helping out. I too enjoy when she asks but there was an obvious problem in our home ……… Step Mom needed to understand a growing girls need for responsibility and with that, I needed to admit that I was too caught up in what I was doing to recognize it! Since I usually felt caught off guard when Allie would ask to help, I needed to create opportunities for her that I could plan ahead for. If I plan for it, I can make sure that I have the time set aside to instruct her.

I developed a weekly after school agenda to incorporate responsibilities. Our parenting time schedule runs Wednesday to Wednesday so we start the week off with time at the Park. That gives us the opportunity to catch up and have some fun after not seeing each other for a week. Thursday nights are “Learn to Cook” night! She LOVE, Love, loves, to help in the kitchen and embraces everything with the exception of mashing raw meat with her hands!

Friday through Sunday carries on the same way with a heavy emphasis on family time, church and our usual Sunday prep. Come Monday, Allie is hard at work tackling her weekly homework . She says that she likes to get it all done at once so that she doesn’t have to do it everyday! We love that about her. Tuedays are laundry days and Allie is embracing her new responsibility with getting her laundry downstairs and learning to fold it and put it away.

We have a set of expectations for Allie when she is with us. Allie starts her mornings by getting ready for school, and makes her bed before breakfast. When she comes home from school, she changes out of her school clothes, scoops the litter box, and starts any left over homework and ends with reading a book for 15 to 20 minutes. Her evening ends with picking up after herself and cleaning her room. These expectations provide Allie with the routine and structure that all kids need.

Allie thrives on routine and is very used to it. The added responsibilities have added such a sense of pride to Allie’s character. There is nothing more satisfying for her then when she has a bag of dirty litter and shows me that she has scooped the poop. I kid you not, that kid is glowing with pride when it’s complete.

Placing responsibility on your child gives them a sense of self worth. It tells your child that not only do you feel they can handle it but that you place value on their participation in making home a great place to be . The earlier you start to entrust them with duties around the home, the less likely you are to face resistance later. Wonder where to start you kids? Here are some ideas on age appropriate chores.

Dani Sharpy

Social Media fanatic, Suburban CEO and part-time blogger

6 ways to raise confident kids

April 2, 2012

As I look at my beautiful, young daughters, so full of hope and life, I can’t help but wonder what their future holds. Right now, at this moment, they think the world is a pretty wonderful place and they’re right. At 8 and 4, they have their whole lives ahead of them. This great big world is just waiting for them to jump in with both feet, to embrace whatever comes their way.

Gosh! They are so young and innocent, but they are also growing up fast. Before we know it, the teenage years will be upon us. They will no longer be safe in their little unbreakable world where no one could ever hurt them. They will begin to realize that some things, and even some people, may try to bring them down, making them feel unsafe or unsure.

So, I realize that I must teach them both some valuable tools to help them navigate through this beautiful life. I need to empower them, to teach them to have high self-esteem so that they grow into self-assured, confident young women who aren’t afraid to speak their minds, make their own choices and live by their morals.

Here are six ways to raise confident kids:

1. Be their safe place to go.

All kids need to feel safe. Their home environment should be the place where they feel free to express themselves. They should feel safe to be who they are, knowing that they are surrounded by your unconditional love and encouragement. Encourage your kids to talk to you about what is going on in their lives. Because kids won’t often come out and tell you how they’re feeling or if they are dealing with something, you need to create an ongoing dialogue with your kids. And, there is no time like the present to start doing this. Ask them how their day was. If you can tell something is bothering them, and they haven’t brought it up, then just ask them. And then LISTEN to what they have to say, without interrupting. Your kids need to know that you are there for them, no matter what.

2. Give them a voice.

Instead of making all of the decisions for your children, give them a voice. It is important that children become independent by learning to make their own decisions. So, try not to always tell your kids what they should be doing. Give them some choices. Make them feel like they are important, contributing members of your family. Even at a young age, you can introduce choices to your kids. It might be as simple as letting them choose between two shirts to wear that day. As your children get older, try to include them in family decisions. Ask their opinions, whether you plan on following their advice or not. Ask them how they feel about important events that are happening in your family. When they don’t like a decision you’ve made, give them a chance to voice their concerns. Even if you don’t agree, you are teaching your children that they matter. You are teaching them that they count.

3. Teach her that she is beautiful on the inside.

I think my daughters are simply beautiful. But how they look on the outside is not as important as how they feel on the inside. This is especially true as they get older. Self-esteem is so important. Emphasize what your children are good at…what they can excel in. Focusing on their strengths will teach them that they are very unique, talented individuals. Make sure your children know that you think they are amazing. Make sure they believe it about themselves too.

4. Set a good example.

If you want your children to grow into confident, contributing members of society, then you must set an example. Do away with any sort of negative self-talk. It’s important that your children have confident role models. If they notice self-doubt in their parents, then they will have a hard time believing in themselves. So, try to be a positive role model. Teach your children to work hard to get what they want out of life. Show them that if you believe in yourself, then you can achieve anything.

5. Stay involved in their lives.

Get involved in your kids’ lives and stay involved. Make sure you know who their friends are. Find out what they are learning about in school. Get to know their teachers. Give them boundaries, such as curfews. Reward them for good behavior and for being trustworthy. Spend uninterrupted, quality time listening, playing and learning with your kids.

6. Never give up on them!

You may have times in your life where your kids are just impossible to deal with. They may even be downright nasty. Whatever you do, don’t give up on your kids. When children and teens are acting out, that is when they need their parents the most. If every day seems like a struggle lately, perhaps you just need some time away together. Make sure your kids know that you will be there for them no matter what. It could make all of the difference in their future. Just knowing that you will always support them and that your love is unwavering will give them hope that the future will be okay. It might take a while to get things turned around, but hang in there. It will be well worth it in the end.

Christy Burke

Christy is a freelance graphic designer, full-time mommy, positive thinker and part-time blogger.

Show Them How Much You Love Her

March 24, 2012

Gentleman, I have some great advice for you in leaving an everlasting impression on your kids. Every chance you get, I want you to make out with your wife… in front of the kids! Gross them out! Go out of your way to touch her, hug her, give her gifts that show how much you care and most importantly, constantly tell her how much you love her. Do as much as you can of that in front of the children. They may give you a hard time and let you know that they are ready to lose their lunch or how embarrassing you might be, but I promise that is not the case. Your children need to see it. As nauseous as they claim it makes them, deep down they take away a sense of security. They don’t have to guess how strong their family bond is. In this day and age, where marriages are on the decline and divorces are on the rise, our kids need to know they are safe.

Growing up, I never received an example like this. All I understood was a childhood of broken homes and I got to see examples of men who treated my mother poorly. Fortunately, what I took away from it all was how not to treat a woman. I feel lucky that the male influences in my life taught me some very important lessons, even though they didn’t know it. I’m a better man for it today.

You see, I love my wife. And I love to love her. And I love to love her in front of my kids. I love to hear my daughter in the background saying, “Ewww, daddy! That’s gross!” All with a subtle giggle under her voice. Because what I hear is, “my family is safe. I can worry about more important things like, whether I can wear my Hello Kitty shirt tomorrow at school.” My goal is to leave no doubt in their minds. I want to be the example of how a man should treat a woman. I want my daughter to think about all the time she was grossed out when the time comes for her to choose her mate and know that she will accept nothing less than someone like her daddy. I want my son to have these images burned into his brain, so that when he chooses his mate he will love, cherish and honor her always… because that’s what his daddy does.

I’m blessed with a wife that did have that example growing up. She was constantly embarrassed by her parents because not only would they do this in front of them, they would do it in front of her friends. To this day, you can’t walk into my in-law’s home without bearing witness to a G rated peep show. It’s all she knows. And it’s all she would accept. It became so important to her that it took her 33 years to find the man that fit the mold she held most high… her father. And she chose me. What an honor that is. I only wish you all the same because there is nothing like it. I wish that for your children because they deserve it. So go on guys… start loving on your wives and watch your kids squirm!

Anthony Sharpy

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit…… part-time blogger.

Teach them the joys of reading

March 17, 2012

One of the most valuable things you can teach your children is the importance of reading. I started reading to my daughters as soon as they were born. Even then, they loved listening to the musical sound of my voice as I read Hop on Pop or Go Dog Go! It has always been a bedtime ritual – to snuggle up and read a few books together. As my daughter Lexi (8-years-old) got older she, not only enjoyed the fun, non-sensical, Dr. Suess-type of books, but she started to appreciate stories with meaning as well. At a very young age, probably around three or four, Lexi would request The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe. She would ask us to read The Wizard of Oz, because she loved the movie so much. For her, reading painted a picture in her mind. The characters really came alive for her. Her love of reading has progressed, and now she enjoys reading chapter books such as the Junie B. and Nancy Drew series on her own. She gets caught up in the story, in the characters. She can easily get lost in a book. She’s done it. She’s discovered the joys of reading!

But, the importance of learning to love reading goes far beyond enjoyment. By reading to your children and with your children and encouraging them to read on their own, you are setting a foundation for a lifetime of learning and positive benefits. It could be one of the most important things you do for your children at a young age.

Reading sets the foundation for future academic achievement.

Children that enjoy reading are more likely to excel in school as well as in life. Reading is not just a form of entertainment. It’s a skill. Proficient readers are learning valuable language and listening skills, as well as boosting their analytical skills. Reading also helps increase your child’s attention span. Most academic subjects are based on reading. If children are having a hard time grasping what they are reading, then they may have difficulty understanding the subject. So encouraging reading might help with future academic success.

Reading helps develop a child’s natural curiosity.

The great thing about reading is that it can help foster your child’s curiosity. It’s very important that children read books that they enjoy. Yes, they will often have required reading in school. But, whenever you can, you should allow your children to read books that interest them. It will open up a whole new world for them. Teach them how wonderful it can be to travel to distant lands, go on a wild adventure, or learn about an inspiring person, all when they get lost in a book. So whether they interested in cars, science fiction, or something fun, let your children choose their own books. They will be more likely to pick up a book and read just for the pleasure of it.

Reading increases vocabulary.

When children encounter words that they don’t know, it forces them to look at those words and try to decipher the meaning based on the context clues. This is an important skill, as they will be able to communicate better. Being able to find the words to convey how they feel is important. When children are able to express themselves, they are more confident. They will also be more successful in life.

Lexi - age 1

Reading also improves writing skills.

Because reading increase vocabulary as well as critical thinking skills, it makes sense that it also improves writing skills. Reading different types of literature increases and improves your general knowledge of different subjects, allowing you to be more creative, which can improve your writing ability. This is one of the reasons children are required to read the Classics in school. Difficult reading requires advanced critical thinking skills, skills that are also necessary to excel in writing.

Reading is an important and invaluable gift that you can give to your children. Help them to discover a love of reading. You should also become a reading role model. Let you children catch you as you are immersed in a good book. Showing them that you also enjoy reading encourages them to pick up a book by themselves. If they think of reading as a task, they will be less likely to do it on their own. Help your children to discover the joys of reading and open up a whole new world for them.

Christy Burke

Christy is a freelance graphic designer, full-time mommy, positive thinker and part-time blogger.

Establishing a family identity

March 14, 2012

So… what’s your family identity? Are you the family of hikers? Are you the family of jokesters? Are you the family committed to helping others? Do you even know what your family identity is? Don’t feel bad if you don’t because I’m sure there are many families out there that haven’t given this much thought, especially to the importance of it. I can’t say I’m 100% sure what our family identity is, but we are working on it. At the moment, I’m trying communicate to my family that we are the family of integrity. We mean what we say, we do what’s right, even if it is the difficult decision, and we go out of our way to help others. I want to burn this into every one of my family member’s subconscious because whenever they are faced with a difficult decision, especially my young ones; they will think to themselves, “Well, I’m a Sharpy, so I have to do the right thing.”

I do this because I want my kids to have that sense of identity to gravitate to whenever their peers start encouraging behavior that may be considered questionable. You see, I try to stay up on current events and let’s face it; the events that are currently taking place in this world are usually pretty discouraging. There are so many outside influences that are clamoring to infect my children and my children are desperate for something to identify with. I know that if I don’t fill that need, someone else will and I’ll likely not be too happy about it.

I’ve made it a point to talk about our identity any chance I get and it’s working. My 6 year old daughter is now repeating it back to me. She even corrected me when I was joking about sneaking a treat without my wife knowing. She then said to me, “But daddy, we’re Sharpy’s. We don’t sneak.” It was a proud moment for me. At that moment, some of the fear that I have about my little girl growing up in this world chipped away. And I know that it will only get better over time.

I’m no expert, just a Dad with the desire to do my best.

Anthony Sharpy

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit…… part-time blogger.